Saturday, October 6, 2007

Giving Up.... Moving On....

I'm turning 37 tomorrow.

I honestly have no idea how that happened. It really seemed like just last week I was taking calculus in high school.

And still it seems, every time I'm faced with a new number, that I left to take stock of where I am, and where I expected to be.

We'll start with the obvious. No ONE saw Texas coming.

I knew I'd have the college degree and the graduate degree, but the being alone thing is still a bit of a let down. I was planning on having kids by now. You know, the American Dream ~ the husband, the house, the 2.3 kids and the retriever. Instead, I have the house, a grouchy old cat and the knowledge that with an allergy to cats I will never become the old woman with all the cats. Small relief. I also have my extremely tactful mother telling me that I can barely take care of myself, I most certainly couldn't care for a child. (She's always done wonders for my confidence.)

We'll admit it. The disease(s) were a surprise, an unfair handicap to say the least. It hasn't been easy and it hasn't been fair. But I've proven myself to be far stronger than anyone (including me) believed I could be.

So this is where we go from here.... We throw out the old plan. We trash the dream. We make it up as we go along.

Forget the husband, forget the kids ~ today I got the dog.

And I named her Frannie ~ for Frances Mays ~ the character and author of the book that is the basis for the movie Under the Tuscan Sun. It has one of the best life lessons at it's center, beyond great leaps of faith and courage lead to great reward.

It's one of life's pure truths ~ you eventually get what you want and need in life; it just doesn't always look like you expected it to.